Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Rule 63: Wonder Woman by Glen Hanson

I've managed to remain blissfully unaware of The Rules of the Internet for years, beyond the instinctual/horse sense stuff that should guide even the uninitiated. It was only a few weeks ago, when I noted the existence of Despero and Martian Manhunter porn elsewhere that LissBirds of Comics Make Me Happy! informed me that I had invoked Rule 34. Unfortunately, now that I've mentioned Martian Manhunter, Despero, and pron in the same sentence, the cosmos has surely begun moving to combine the two in a single slash fiction. The greener of the two had previously confirmed his hetero--um--bestiality with Wonder Woman, so I suppose she must be avenged through Rule 63. I must... "thank?" ... Shag for making me aware of this abomination through a recent Firestorm Fan post, although I again knew something was up when one of my most viewed blog posts involved Female Versions of Green Lantern and Martian Manhunter by Mitch Foust. Finally, does this make up for my running the updated reviewed version of the 2010 Wonder Woman XXX: A Hardcore Parody Trailer, or just make it worse?

Saturday, December 25, 2010

2005 Wonder Woman Art Book Piece by Brandon Peterson

Click To Enlarge

This guy hasn't even had a run as cover artist yet? Curse the cruel fates! I vastly prefer this warrior to the cheesecake Adam Hughes delivered for years (he said, clearly preferring Bolland.)

More Selections from Brandon Peterson's 2005 Artbook!

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Sensational Comics for March, 2011

Sensational Links:
Wonder Woman
Art and cover by DON KRAMER & JAY LEISTEN
1:10 Variant cover by ALEX GARNER
In a near-death vision, Diana experiences the power of Dr. Psycho! But is he foe or friend?
Wonder Woman’s intensely trippy story continues as hints of her “normal” reality continue popping up in unexpected ways. Don’t miss this issue’s revelations!
Retailers please note: This issue will ship with two covers. Please see the Previews Order Form for more information.
On sale MARCH 30 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US
JMS still gets top billing for his "story notes?" What crap!

Covers by ED BENES
Coinciding with the release of the wildly anticipated DCU MMO from Sony Online!
In issue #3, Brainiac’s assault on Earth has begun, with a first strike at Metropolis and The Man of Steel! But what are Brainiac’s real motivations for attacking the Daily Planet? And in the bleak, post-apocalyptic future, a weary Lex Luthor gathers the last of Earth’s metahumans for one final stand against an overwhelming alien invader!
In issue #4, while planning a counter-strike against Brainiac’s ship, the JLA are ambushed on their satellite! Desperate times call for desperate actions! And in the post-apocalyptic future, Luthor plots the greatest betrayal of all!
Issue #3 on sale MARCH 2
Issue #4 on sale MARCH 16
32 pg, FC, $2.99 US
I have no faith in a maxi-series adaptation of a video game, and I usually hate Ed Benes Wonder Woman, but that is a tight cover.
JLA/THE 99 #6
The first-ever meeting between DC Comics’ JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA and Teshkeel Comics’ THE 99 concludes…
The two disparate teams pull together to show what working side-by-side can accomplish on a global scale! The World’s Greatest Super Heroes and The World’s Newest Super Heroes defy the odds and triumph over the combined terror of Starro from beyond and the homegrown threat of Rughal!
On sale MARCH 30 • 6 of 6 • 32 pg, FC $2.99 US
I've avoided this like every other Biker Slut Wondy appearance. Was that a mistake?

Written by ART BALTAZAR and FRANCO Art and cover by MIKE NORTON

Based on the highly anticipated, all-new hit animated show from Warner Bros. debuting in January on Cartoon Network! It’s moving-in day for Superboy and Miss Martian as they choose their rooms at their new headquarters! But the Boy of Steel is haunted by the Cave’s memories and strange visions of his past…

On sale FEBRUARY 16 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US
I realize this is really the second issue, but why bother with a #0 scheme if your #1 is going to carry such a weak cover?

Wonder Girl (Cassie Sandsmark)
Written by J.T. KRUL
A brand-new day brings a brand-new hero to the world of the Teen Titans! Strange disappearances on an archeological dig prompt Wonder Girl’s mother to ask the team for help. But what part does the new hero Solstice have in these mysterious absences? Will she help the Titans — or hurt them?
On sale MARCH 30 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US
Where'd Damian go?
Art and cover by ART BALTAZAR
The awesome underwater issue! Guest-starring Aqualad, Arthur Jr., Inky, Fluffy and Steve, the Sea Horse! Aquagirl introduces everybody to her new Tiny Titans team, “The Hurtin’ Titans!” Featuring: Hardrock, The Face, Star Spangled Kid and TNTeena! Ker-sploosh!
On sale MARCH 16 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US
Wonder Girl (Donna Troy)
1:10 Variant cover by DAVID MACK
“The Rise of Eclipso” continues! With the Spectre fallen and darkness spread throughout the DC Universe, no one is safe from Eclipso’s control! Not any of DCs shadow-based heroes and villains. Not Alan Scott and the magical beings of the moon’s Emerald City. Not even the World’s Greatest Heroes! And when Eclipso’s ultimate goal is revealed, they’ll see that it’s scale is even bigger than the DC Universe. One lone hero has the power to make sure all be well however...for he has hope. Introducing Blue Lantern Saint Walker to the Justice League of America! In the remains of New Krypton, Doomsday tears through Batman, Supergirl and Alpha Lantern Boodikka in his search for Cyborg Superman as “Reign of Doomsday” rampages on!
Retailers please note: This issue will ship with two covers. Please see the Previews Order Form for more information.
On sale MARCH 23 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US
Every single month I forget this book when doing these solicitations, and have to go back and edit it in. That means something.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

2010 The Comic Book Zodiac: Libra by Deaver Park Press

On my nigh-daily trip to Rob Kelly's The Aquaman Shrine, I found his posts on Aquaman/Black Manta's entry in The Comic Book Zodiac. Whuzzat? Explain:

For each sign of the Zodiac, we’ve chosen a comic book character as a representative. For each elemental classification in the Zodiac (Earth, Air, Fire and Water), we’ve chosen a corresponding color of Mister French poster paper, 12.5 inches wide by 19 inches tall. Each poster will be a hand-pulled three color screen print, signed and numbered. The first series will be limited to 20 prints of each character, and will be premiered at Asheville, North Carolina’s first-annual Fanaticon comic book convention, on May 15th, 2010. After that, we’ll make them available for order online.

Are these legal? I'm leaning toward no, but for now linking to them should be. Hopefully, they'll progress beyond the usual/common/broad sun signs everyone latches onto, and take advantage of the comic universes to really delve into the astrological one.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Monday, December 13, 2010

2010 Wonder Woman XXX: A Hardcore Parody Trailer

The delude of post-Batman XXX porn parodies has finally reached the 1970s Wonder Woman TV show. I had to edit the solicitation copy, and there's some salacious elements in the video (rubbing/cleavage/pantyshot/clothed peener,) but this is still safe enough for home viewing (although work may fire your ass.)

The Iraqi government has once again penetrated US soil and has sent their top spy to infiltrate America's most lucrative business, the Porn Industry. Through the help of a sultry US informant, the Iraqi spy has gained access to California's biggest porn production sets in order to steal their secrets and bring them back home. There is only one person that can stop the Iraqi insurgence. There is only one person who can make a man crumble to his knees and beg for mercy, Wonder Woman. Will the Iraqi spy succeed in his mission to rip off America's beloved porn or will he succumb to the wealth and riches of the most sought after p☆☆☆☆ on the planet. Will Wonder Woman save the day or are her powers futile against the terrorist attacks of the Iraqi infidels.

Carolyn Reese
Tori Black
Mikey Butders
Diamond Foxxx
Bill Bailey
Anthony Rosano
Ralph Long

UPDATE 12/24/2010:

One of the more welcoming adult sites on the internet is Fleshbot. After all, it's got a pink background, female writers, and the option of viewing with or without gay content. The site has added an uncomplimentary review Mile High Media's latest release, and I thought I'd offer an edited excerpt as an addendum here. I'm not comfortable linking directly to a porn site through a PG-13 blog, especially since there are stills from the production on the page, but that's what your search engine is for, right?

"Wonder Woman XXX" suffers from some of the same problems that "Red Riding Hood XXX" did: misspellings, terrible acting, and a criminally underused titular character.

Most of the time and energy that goes into this movie is spent drawing out the overly elaborate (though somewhat amusing) plot. Iraqi Anthony Rosano sends Iraqi Mikey Butders to Chatsworth, California, to steal porn production secrets with the help of a military spy, Carolyn Reese. Mikey's plane crashes on Wonder Woman's island, where her mother, Diamond Foxx, cares for the boy... Mikey goes on his way, ends up working on a porn set with Gracie Glam and Bill Bailey, and starts learning about smut. Wonder Woman follows him to California, tells General Ralph Long, and they bust Anthony, Mikey, and Carolyn.

My biggest beef with Ms. Brooke's movie has to be the mishandling of Wonder Woman. It's not Tori's fault at all—she's adorable yet powerful... it's just that she only has one sex scene. Just one! ...Sadly, the only power Wonder Woman shows off is the ability to make people fall asleep by touching their foreheads. That's it. Do you know how many powers Wonder Woman has had over the years? More importantly, where was the golden lariat? How can they not take advantage of the bondage angle?

I wasn't planning on seeing this even before the sorry review, just as I've yet to "enjoy" any of these new super-hero porn parodies. Still, if there's one area Wonder Woman should totally rule the roost, it's in the female performer dominated adult industry. I guess there's always that Justice League movie, but somehow, blowing all the Super Friends at once doesn't exactly scream "empowered heroine," does it?

Friday, December 10, 2010

1990 The Atlas of the DC Universe: Themyscira

Paul Kupperberg wrote this directory of DC Comics locales in the past, present, and future as a supplement to the Mayfair Games roleplaying line...

Themyscira, also known as Paradise Island, is the home of the Amazons. It exists somewhere in the mid-Atlantic, in the area known as the Bermuda Triangle. Themyscira is protected from the sight of man by a perpetual blanket of clouds and fog. It is believed that Themyscira is actually situated in a small dimension of its own, adjacent to both the Earth and Olympian dimensions (see entries under EARTH DIMENSION, MOUNT OLYMPUS).

Named for the walled city in ancient Greece that was their original home, Themyscira was settled centuries ago, after the warrior race of Amazon women had been seduced and humiliated by the man-god Heracles and his troops. Placed in bondage by men, they were finally freed by the goddess Athena in exchange for their renunciation of their warlike ways and their rededication to the ways of the Earth-goddess Gaea. Queen Hippolyte accepted Athena's conditions, while her sister, Antiope, refused, renouncing her Amazon heri­tage and taking her followers from Themyscira forever.

Hippolyte and the remaining Amazons were sent by Athena and the other goddesses to an uncharted island, beneath which an unspeakable evil had been imprisoned. In exchange for an agreement to act as jailers to this evil for all eternity, the souls of the Amazons would be purified once again, and they would be granted immortality as long as no man ever set foot upon the island. The sea-god Poseidon parted the waters of the Aegean Sea so that the Amazons could walk to their new home.

Their island home had been declared a paradise, and the Amazons built a new city where they could live and house their art and history. Great halls of justice serve as icons to the glory of the gods and an offshore island as a great center of medicine and healing. While the Amazons developed their new civilization on the island, the unknown evil remained imprisoned below. It was kept at bay by giant battlements and Amazon guards, many of whom died over the centuries in the battle to keep it contained.

Over the centuries, the Amazons kept their vow to Athena, keeping Themyscira free from man's influence. They remained hidden from man's view and knowledge until a military jet piloted by Colonel Steve Trevor crashed just off of Themyscira's shores. At first, this seemed to be a random accident, but it was learned that the plane had been sent to destroy the island as part of the war-god Ares' scheme to conquer the world. The Amazons were forced to send their chosen representative back to Man's World with Trevor to oppose Ares' master plan. This representative was Hippolyte's daughter, Diana, who has since become known as Wonder Woman. Game statistics for Princess Diana are located on page 47 of the Background IRoster Book, while Queen Hippolyte's are on page 24 of that book.
Among Themyscira's main features are:

  • The Coliseum, where the Amazons test, hone, and display their skills and prowess.
  • The Royal Palace, located at the center of the island on Themyscira's highest elevation, overlooking the rest of the island. The Palace, a grand and regal structure, is home to Queen Hippolyte.
  • The Senate Chamber, where the Amazon representatives meet to discuss important issues of the day and create policy for the Amazon society.
  • The Temple of the Oracle, adjacent to the Royal Palace and Menalippe's sanctuary, where the Amazon priestess consults with the Olympian gods (see entry under MOUNT OLYMPUS).
  • The Statue of Artemis, which was created in honor of the goddess who championed their cause. The statue is located in a clearing in the woods and was constructed as the highest, most visible feature on the island.
  • The Temple of Hades was built to honor the god of the dead, whom the immortal Amazons do not fear. En­shrined within the Temple are relics of the Amazons who have died.
  • The Island of Healing, located on a small island chain near the main­ land. This is a tranquil, serene place where pure waters flow and healing herbs grow in abundance.

Because of the enchanted nature of Themyscira, technological equipment does not work there. Indeed, the island's magics are so powerful that even airplanes or ships passing by the island fail. This phenomenon is re­sponsible for the legend of the Ber­muda Triangle, or Devil's Triangle, where humans and their vessels have been rumored to disappear, to be lost forever.

Themyscira has only recently been opened to visitors from the outside world. For more information on Para­dise Island, consult Strangers In Paradise, the Wonder Woman sourcebook.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

1989 Mayfair Games DC Heroes Wonder Woman Character Card

I don't have a lot of ground to cover here, as much of it was already trod weeks ago under the 1993 Mayfair Games DC Heroes Role-Playing Game Third Edition Wonder Woman Entry. I'm much less confident the art is by Paris Cullins when blown up and in context, but it certainly looks nice in color. The Lasso of Truth was listed here, but otherwise I noticed no real changes between entries. Wonder Woman was and remained near impossible to catch, capable of hitting most anyone or thing with considerable might, and a Super-Martial Artist. She could also sell ice to an Eskimo (but of course wouldn't,) and could withstand most psychic or metaphysical affronts. Now if only her writers could depict this on a comic page...

Saturday, December 4, 2010

1989 Mayfair Games DC Heroes Troia Character Card

Dang Donna Troy. I liked her when I was younger, and she's got some winning stats here. Strong martial artists skill and the agility to use it. Very impressive strength comparable with the New God Big Barda. Solid intellect and resistance to psychic/supernatural forces. A flier, good with weapons, and a decent team leader. Then all of the sudden, she's got an ugly costume, a force field, and succumbs to Jean Grey Syndrome. Now she's your typical Marvel team book heroine, constantly embattled, miserable love life, fluctuating power levels, and even the obligatory pregnancy-leading-to-instant-adulthood (mad god flavor.)

Thursday, December 2, 2010

1989 Mayfair Games DC Heroes The Cheetah Character Card

You know what the Cheetah needs? To not fight Wonder Woman for a while. It's like how Baron Zemo was that other guy who fought Captain America when Red Skull was busy, until he got to start stepping out with the Masters of Evil and Thunderbolts. That made him more of a general Marvel Universe threat, and massively improved his reputation. Zemo isn't half as formidable as the Cheetah, and while they occasionally cock-up her representation with lame-brained match-ups like Catwoman, I'd love to see her tear holes in Batman or even Superman.

A Dexterity of 13 coupled with (admittedly excessive) Martial Artist of 9 makes Cheetah seriously dangerous in any situation, regardless of who's present. Excepting Strength, she outstrips Donna Troy in just about everything, plus she can work the magic angle. Cheetah is just plain scary when you think about it, and the only thing keeping her from being a contender on the world stage is that Wonder Woman is so fabulous, how can Cheetah compete on her terms?